He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
