the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
