3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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