i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
