you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
