It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
