Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
