You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
