I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
