Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
