I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
