hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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