hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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