For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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