It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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