Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
