Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
