it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
