Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
