I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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