I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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