Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
