thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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