alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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