This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
