i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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