Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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