It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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