I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Too much gin, very little bucket
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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