I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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