ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
