i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Randomize
