on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
