I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
