it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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