guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
