Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
