guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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