It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
