Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
