this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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