there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
