i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize