Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
