Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
