So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
