i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
