Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
