So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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