guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
