The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
