Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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