Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
