we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
