ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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