so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
two words: eviction party
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
