I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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