Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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