Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
