she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
