The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
