My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
