then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
