I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
