I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
