So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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