you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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