so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
