i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
