Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
