and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
