The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
