I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
